All we really want as human beings is to be understood though, right? Women, men, addicts, '-holics', strangers, friends, lovers, we all want a sense of comfort in knowing that at our core, we are not alone. A simple nod, eye contact, and active listening- it all contributed to the release of frustration that I contracted inside me all day yesterday. I don't know why it works, I can't explain the click that goes off inside me, but waking up at 6:30 in the morning and gathering with a bunch of women is what keeps me grounded. These women remind me of my true north, and they don't even have to say a thing to me. Their presence is the key. And for that I am forever grateful. Rather than picking up a pipe, or slamming a bottle of wine, I talk about my feelings, am rigorously honest, open my heart and show up. Go figure!
Another reason I love Wednesdays is because I get to hang out at one of my favorite hospitals for the day where the staff of nurses, anesthesia, support staff and Docs are 2nd to none. A Doctor brought in 5 assorted cakes and pies today. So naturally I tried all of them (only just a sliver!) and found personal pleasure in my work day. Chocolate pound cake, cheesecake, raspberry pie, key lime pie, and peach berry pie. I literally have not stopped thinking about those damn pies all day. I get emotionally attached to my food, its my quick fix, soothes my soul, and is an orgasm to the mouth.
Then after dancing my booty off in my Hip-Hop class I was walking to my car, in the dark, windy pouring rain. High on life, and my sweet moves and happy to head home for a little R&R.
"Ma'am, Ma'am! Please! Please! I need help. I am here with my mother, we are stuck, our ride left and we need to get home back to Red Wing. (Teary-eyed, looking desperate). Please Ma'am, please I need your help!"
This woman bull-shitted a pretty good story. Told me she miraculously didn't have her license, didn't bring her purse to St. Paul, but happened to know where an ATM was. And in the midst of my doubt and questions I couldn't help but see the desperation that this woman's eyes were beaming with. So, naturally soaking wet, I grabbed my wallet and went to the ATM and got this woman $20 cash. The convince store manager looked at me like, 'you idiot! you fell for it!'. Part of my knew it, but I couldn't help my own screaming conscious. If I ever get in a situation like this I hope I could get some help. Besides, maybe this woman was telling the truth. Either way in our 2 minute walk around the block together I was able to tell her about some of my own personal changes that I've made in my life. Deep down, I think I could relate to this woman, I knew what it felt like to be in a desperate state of mind, and I couldn't walk away from her.
Soaking wet, in the pouring rain, this woman gave me a hug, and we embraced. In that split second I swear she could hear me, and I didn't open my mouth. Maybe it was a divine appointment. Maybe it was a GOD thing. Or maybe when she turned the corner and walked away she laughed her ass off thinking, 'Ha, Ma'am you are a fool! You just got punked'!
OK fine. Worst case scenario this woman scammed me out of $20, plus a $2 ATM fee, I fell for a scam and I add some deb to my tuition of life. Or maybe I helped a woman, cut her a break and gave her a bit of hope.
At the least bit, I hope some good karma will be sent my way. I like to store my karma in a jar on my dresser, and save it for a rainy day.
PUNkeD indeed.....but for reasons known only to him, God let your paths cross. As I know you are constantly seeking his will, you did what you thought was the right thing. You are blessed with a warm and loving heart.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog Jillian. Thanks for including us on your journey.
A.T.
Laura and I like to call those 'God Winks'......but, perhaps this woman
ReplyDeletewill find it in her heart to help someone that crosses her path in the future that is desperate for a little 'God Wink'....(heart)