Divine Appointments

Finally, i am at the point in my day in which I get to "check-out", relax, and unwind. I worked a 13 hour day today, non-stop, on the go. I seem to work better that way. Perhaps it is because when I am constantly on the go I stay preoccupied as a human 'doing' rather than a human 'being'. If I just keep going, then maybe the world will pass me by, maybe things will get done that I've put off, maybe I can forget the pain that used to eat away at me, and maybe, just maybe I can forget to fret about the unknown future.

Bear with me, I haven't slowed down all day until now, at 11:00 pm, so I might be jumping all over the place. I used to stay busy to avoid myself. I used to go non-stop so that I didn't have to look at myself in the mirror longer than to cover my dark circles and throw on some mascara. If I kept going, I wouldn't have to stop and sit with myself, I wouldn't have to acknowledge my past or admit that my way of coping wasn't working. Nowadays I don't get high off of much (other than a good episode of 'Chelsea Lately' and a late night drumstick...as in the ice cream!) so when I can keep busy, I buzz. Until I crash again, and then the whole F-ed up cycle starts all over again! See, you don't need drugs and alcohol to have problems!!

But what I was thinking about today is that no matter how busy our lives get, or how caught up in superficial things we may be, there are some things that we just can't avoid. We can't avoid diseases, we can't avoid death, we can't avoid natural disasters, brutal winters in Minnesota, aging, or even ourselves. And whether you believe that there is a road map of your life written out for you in the sky, or that life is just a string of random incidents, you still can't avoid meeting certain people at the certain time you meet them,

I mean think about it, whether its the guy next to you on the plane, the woman in the hallway at work, a stranger in the cafe or a withered relationship that is rekindled by an odd coincidence, we really don't have control over the divine appointments in our lives. It boggles my mind to think that a higher power is orchestrating the things that happen in my life. You don't have to believe that either, you may think that life is random and we all just chose our own destiny. If that is the case, then riddle me this; how come I can meet someone half way across the world and instantly feel connected, feel a kind of love that is pure understanding? Why do I have a chronic visual impairment, and why did I find out about it at the age of 17 instead of 56? How come my Aunt Mimi decided to come to my graduation on a limb, and end up rescuing me to her home in St. Paul, MN? How did I land m dream job in a place I never thought possible? How come I meet someone at an A.A. meeting who happens to speak about my very feelings without even talking to me? And how come God continues to answer my prayers when I feel like I least deserve them?

Don't you ever wonder? The people in your life, the timing, the place, the state of mind- is it meaningless and empty, or is it serendipitous and unavoidable?  I don't know about you, but I have had some days in which I have felt so beaten down and deflated that believing in a purpose is the only thing that gets me through the next breath.

I don't regret a thing about my story. I don't wish for any changes to be made or for a single thing to be different. Each encounter, each occasion, each event, they are all a chain of links which have brought me to where I am today. Be present to the divine appointments that are presented to you EVERY DAY of your life. They are not random, we are all connected, and we are all growing together.