Forgiving Me

A dear friend of mine is a forgiveness facilitator and once a month she hosts a free workshop open to the general public where she teaches the general philosophy behind forgiveness as an 8-step model. She calls it, 'Unconditional Love and Forgiveness 101'. I spent some time with her last week helping her paint and I was able to ask some general questions about forgiveness. I had no idea that there was so much scientific research behind this process and its power over our own mind, body, soul and society as a whole. I was intrigued to learn more so I went to the coffee shop on University Ave. where two other strangers were eager to learn the secrets of letting go to old resentments. The two hour session was not only mind-provoking, it literally changed my schema in regards to  the power of forgiveness in our lives.

The information that Diana presented was drawn from the Midwest Institute for Forgiveness Training. Accordingly, the institute defines forgiveness as 'releasing an expectation that is causing one to suffer. To cancel expectations, conditions, and demands of the mind that prevent free flowing extension of unconditional love from source shared between oneself and another'. In A.A. we keep it simple and say, 'Letting go, and Letting God'. We were taught that as humans in order to forgive we have to be willing to take our attention (the here and now) and focus it into an intention (capacity to heal).

There are three levels of consciousness that we have, the Subconscious (sleeping, dreams, core beliefs given to us as children), the Conscious (our senses, the here and now) and our Super-conscious (our inspiration, and highest ideals). The basic theory that Psychosynthesis captivates is that there is a barrier between our Subconscious and our Conscious; that in most situations there is not a free flowing synergy between what we experience and what our operating system (Subconscious) tells us. For example, you may get a promotion at work which seems like a positive thing, but inside you may feel guilty, anxious or non-deserving. This is a clash between the Subconscious and the Conscious, and what is so fascinating is that we all have a number of sub-personalities in our Subconscious that make up our core beliefs and you probably aren't even aware of them. These sub-personalities develop throughout our childhood and tend to be barriers to the way in which we relate throughout life. They are barriers to the free flowing energy that the Universe was meant for us to have, and in turn we tend to build up an armor around us that prevents the energy of unconditional love from flowing freely through us.

Take a minute and re-read the last paragraph. It is a lot to take in.

So in the process of forgiving others, and ourselves, the goal is to break down that barrier between what we experience and what our sub-personalities are telling us. Through the process of forgiveness we can explore those sub-personalities. recognize them, and work towards changing the way we think about our experiences in the here and now. You would be surprised how much power and control our sub-personalities have. They tend to drive the bus of our lives; the 4-year old girl who fears abandonment, the 8-year old girl inside me who can't ask for help, the 12-year old girl who craves external approval, or the 18-year old girl who is driven by fear. All of these sub-personalities of myself have driven my bus by mere instinct throughout my life, and it will be a process to slowly face each and every one of them to convince them that I am capable to driving the bus now, and that there is a new way to think about life in general.

This may all seem a bit far fetch for you. I would encourage you to check our Diana's website to learn more about the theory of forgiveness. Visit http://www.meetup.com/Steps-2-Forgiveness/  and learn more about Psychosynthesis, the 8-step model to forgive another person, and the overall power of forgiveness.

When Diana and I started our discussion about forgiveness I immediately started to think about the handful of people that have done me wrong, who have pissed me off, hurt my feelings or broken my heart. I had the audacity to think that there were a number of external factors to forgive, but didn't realize that the person I need to forgive the most is me. What a concept? Self-forgiveness? I mean, what did I do to myself that was that bad? Hmmm....how about the years and years of self-destructive behaviors, the lies, the guilt, the shame, the mistakes, and lack of self-respect to name a few. You would think that by attending therapy, by working a 12-step program, and by a spiritual connection that no form of forgiveness would be needed. Wrong! I have spent a year and a half on my new path of life, but I still am my own worst critic, I am still hard on myself, i still suffer from the brutalities of perfectionism, and I don't allow myself much room for mistakes. I have a lot of amends to make with myself, the many facades of myself that exist; that innocent child (little Jilly-Bean) who so desperately deserves unconditional love and forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness is a whole separate process so when I get to it, I will fill you in.